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Tribune/Nathan Orme Suzy Anderson pets one of her horses next to the grave of Bobby, the 16-year-old thoroughbred who died last year. Anderson said the other horses will lay at Bobby’s grave as part of their own grieving.

Tribune/Nathan Orme Grief counselor Joseph Galata listens to Suzy Anderson talk about the death of her horse Bobby during Wednesday’s pet loss support group meeting.

It's the happiness of coming home to a dog's wagging tail, or the love felt by the purring cat sitting in your lap. But what happens when the companions that have given so much love die? What do their humans do?

The Shakespeare Animal Fund (SAF) in Reno, created out of the loss of a pet, has started a support group for people who have lost their beloved pals.

“This idea came from a combination of reasons as we looked at way to help the community,” said Shakespeare Animal Fund founder Jennifer Webb. “We discovered there was no pet loss support group to offer a solid place to talk and understand that you are not alone.”

Webb’s motivation to start the SAF came after her loyal cocker spaniel, Shakespeare, died in November 2003.

“I think the need is always there,” Webb said “Any time you love an animal and it dies, there is grief.”

When a pet owner calls, Webb explained, SAF will contact a local vet for the pet owner and will give money to have the animal seen immediately.

“For our phone volunteers, it’s like manning a crisis call line,” Webb said. “Our organization allocates money to help. We pay enough to get the animal seen and get treatment.”

Webb said the non-profit organization does not have the funds to pay for higher-cost vet bills, but that if an animal is in pain SAF will pay for euthanasia.

“While there is limited fund, we never let an animal suffer,” Webb said. “And we never ask for money back.”

But for the pets that medical care cannot save, SAF’s pet loss support group is there to help comfort owners.

The comfort of understanding

In a corner of the Sierra Association of Foster Families offices on Lakeside Drive is a small cluster of tables with a box of tissue sitting in the middle. As people trickled in to the 7 p.m. Wednesday meeting, there was no tension in the air and conversation is casual, even with an occasional laugh.

“Humor cures us all,” Counselor Joseph Galata said with a smile.

SAF asked Galata, who has “a zillion years” of counseling experience with foster families and terminal ill children, to help run the first support group meeting. There to help facilitate the meeting and assist Galata was Zoe Gerhart, a marriage and family therapist.

“There really are no stages or steps to grief,” Galata said at the beginning of the meeting. “It’s the same for pet loss, for all of us have lost a pet.”

Galata started the meeting by having everyone introduce themselves and then talk about what they wanted the support group to be, since it was the first meeting and, as Galata explained, has the ability to grow.

“It’s not just about the pet’s it’s also about the people,” Galata said. “SAF wants to create resources for pet owners.”

Galata said the meeting location was chosen because of its proximity to a bus stop, making it easier for seniors, disabled people or people without transportation to participate. The seven people who came to Wednesday’s meeting discussed how their pets affected their lives.

Amy Anderson, who works in marketing for Renown Health, told the group tearfully that she lost her 14-year-old basset hound, Ripley Sue, over a month ago but her grief was still new. As Anderson explained the painful process of going through homeopathic treatments to help Ripley Sue’s ailing health and then the decision to euthanasia her pet, the entire group felt her pain.

For Anderson, Riley Sue was a present given to her by her parents to mark a milestone in her life.

“She was my college graduation present,” Anderson said.

Gerhart acknowledged that pets mark events in our lives and often remembering those events will trigger an emotional reaction to the loss.

“The pain we feel is a reminder of how much we loved,” Galata said.

SAF volunteer and pet owner Suzy Anderson (no relation to Amy) recalled the death of her horse Bobby.

“Our other horses mourned the loss of our horse Bobby,” Suzy said after telling the story of his death one year ago.

Suzy said that having to bury Bobby was difficult because he was such a large animal and there are not services to help pet owners with that. During the burial process the other horses would lay next to Bobby’s body, which Suzy said was difficult for her to watch because the herd was mourning his loss, as well. Suzy said that although SAF does not have the resources to give medical help to horses, all animal owners can still find comfort with the SAF support group when their animals die.

“Have you read the book ‘When Elephants Weep’?” Galata asked the group. “It’s about how animals love and grieve and feel joy. It’s about seeing that we’re not the only wounded species.”

In an effort to help the wounded species in the room, each participant cried, laughed and verbalized the emotions that they have felt.

“Our society would have you fell that something was wrong with you for needing help for losing a pet,” Gerhart said.

“Grieving is private, you can grieve at three in the morning by yourself, you mourn collectively with others,” Galata said.

“This is a loving place,” Suzy added of the environment of the group.

“We really do know how you feel here,” said Paula Rightmire, Suzy’s friend, neighbor and fellow horse lover.

As the stories of love and loss continued and the therapeutic feeling of being understood furthered the healing process, the group discussed the ideas of a pet cemetery, guest speakers for the group and the possibility of incorporating foster care children who have been taken away from their family pets into the group. During the meeting, each participant was able to cry, laugh and verbalize the emotions that had been on their minds.


© Copyright 2008, Daily Sparks Tribune.